Wednesday, May 27, 2020

The courage of Hobbits

The world of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings–Tolkien’s world–is replete with warriors and kings, wizards and Elf-lords, noble shield-maidens and fierce bowmen. These characters fight, they forge weapons, they wield swords and axes and magical Rings of Power. No one would look at Aragorn or Thorin Oakenshield and think “there’s an easy target.” No one would call Elrond a chump, or try to pick a fight with Galadriel.

Even the bad guys in these stories have impressive rap sheets. Saruman is the head of the White Council, Sauron has boundless resources and ambition–even that slimy weasel Grima Wormtongue has some kind of malicious magic that grants him influence over those who hear him.

The people in positions of leadership–both the evil and the good–in Middle Earth, have one thing in common: they are tangibly powerful, whether through magic or weaponry or sheer strength.

Bilbo Baggins, then, in all his pudgy, short-statured, snug and comfy Hobbit-ness, appears distinctly disadvantaged in the face of these titans. He was not made for heroic deeds. He was made for Hobbiton, for armchairs and leather-bound books, for cozy fires and overgrown gardens–and he readily admits it. The “wide world,” with its many dangers and epic battles, is no place for a Hobbit.

And yet Bilbo, not Thorin, is the hero of Tolkien’s magical story The Hobbit–hence its title. An unlikely hero, maybe, but a hero. The hero.

“It never ceases to amaze me,” the ancient dwarf-warrior Balin says to Bilbo in the film, as the hobbit prepares to enter the dragon Smaug’s lair. “The courage of Hobbits.”

Balin’s observation comes after Bilbo refuses to turn back, and squares his shoulders toward the beast’s treasure horde, saying, “I promised I would do this, and I think I must try.”

That, I think, is one of the most powerful lines in any film. I think I must try.

The simplicity of it, the conviction and the humility. In this moment, Bilbo demonstrates the true source of his courage.

He has no great powers, no army at his disposal, no quick Elvish reflexes. He has only himself. Nothing but a love of riddles to arm him against the dragon’s cunning. Certainly no hidden gifts that would prove useful against Smaug, Chiefest and Greatest of Calamities, in a fair fight.



One wrong move and Bilbo will be toast–literally.

And yet he is determined to try. Determined, despite the danger, despite the odds, despite his own fear. Bilbo peers down the tunnel toward his probable demise and, strikingly, measures his fear as insignificant compared to the cost of turning back. He thinks of his friends, who–perhaps a bit unfairly–asked him to become their burglar in an epic heist. He thinks of their loss, their dignity, their desire for a home.

He thinks of himself, and his own desire for home. He knows exactly who he is–a Barrel-Rider, who, because of his unique weaknesses, has been forced to improvise solutions no one would have expected. Bilbo knows he is under-prepared and unequipped, and yet, at the same time, he realizes exactly what his help could mean to these dwarves that burst so unexpectedly into his ordinary life.

He rejects the selfish desire to break his promise, to give up and return to a life of comfort knowing he could have tried, but didn’t. That choice is Bilbo’s moment of heroism.

What makes Bilbo a hero? His courage. Courage, which comes not from his assets or his powers, but from his intrinsic sense of justice, and a childlike hope that inspires him to look beyond himself. Courage which is perhaps more inspiring for the simple fact that it is Bilbo’s only weapon against the evil in the world.

In times of darkness, that kind of courage is the only weapon we truly need.

“Why Bilbo Baggins? Perhaps it is because I am afraid, and he gives me courage.” -Gandalf

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

You should re-read books

Every summer, I re-read Harry Potter.

It’s something my sister and I have been doing together for years, and honestly it’s one of my favorite things. I look forward to visiting the Wizarding World every summer, especially when things in my own life feel distinctly non-magical. Sometimes, I can’t wait until summer, so I read the books over Christmas.

Since summer vacation has arrived for my students, I’m counting this month as the beginning of summer for me too (though, if you want to be picky, summer doesn’t really begin until June 21st)! And this year my mom, sister, and I will be trekking through an epic re-read of the second and third books of Brandon Sanderson’s Stormlight Archive, in preparation for the release of the fourth book in November.

It is the summer of the re-read. I could not be more excited.

Someone I work with recently said that she doesn’t understand why people re-read books. I have so many feelings about this, I didn’t even know how to respond to her in that moment. How can you not re-read books?

How can you not want to hear your favorite stories again? That’s like saying you only listen to every song one time, or only try every food once.

Re-reading adds richness. It lets you explore the depth of your favorite places, re-acquaint yourself with favorite characters. It lets you return to the time and place you first heard a favorite story, when the words captivated you and inspired you and changed you.

Granted, I don’t re-read every book–that would take forever. Some books are one-time reads.

But some books just resonate with your soul a different way. I feel sorry for anyone who has yet to meet a book that compelled them to revisit its pages.

Re-read

Not to reclaim–

to remind,

to regret the inevitable of moving on,

to come somewhat closer

to accepting the distance.

Some closure, perhaps,

some hope that lost things

can be found.

Through cream-colored glasses

you can look in on your old self,

the corner, cramped and cozy

where you used to sit,

the honest window, the chocolate you held in one hand,

a savored luxury,

like the first read of a real adventure.

Moments live suspended within time-bound pages,

rain-flavored and coffee-stained,

and the summer breeze rustles through them

stirring up echoes

like wishes from a dandelion.

They ride the wind as far as it will take them,

borne by a whim into the unknown,

alone,

to become themselves where they fall.

And who can say

where we might meet them someday,

when some searching soul

picks them up

to wish again?

Monday, May 11, 2020

This is only temporary

Right now I’m feeling at a loss for words.

Not in an awestruck way. More like a my-mind-is-a-jumble-of-things kind of way. A little lost, a little lonely. A little unsure and anxious about a lot of things.

What is life going to look like in the fall? Will my students be able to return to school?

Or are we still going to be stuck in this limbo, waiting in an abandoned airport like the zombie hero “R” from Warm Bodies (a great film and a great book, by the way)?

When will people I love feel it’s safe for them to go outside again? When will we stop being afraid to look at each other in the grocery store?

What will have changed about us all when we find ourselves thrown back into “normal” life?

Why do so many people have to feel so afraid?

Why is it so hard to find any sense of balance in our daily lives?

Why is there so much anger, so much self-righteousness, so much doubt, so much ignorance in the world? So much ugliness?

These are questions I think a lot of us are asking right now. And right now I don’t know what to say, except that I hope these things will be made clear to us in time.

When I say I hope, I don’t mean I wish. I mean I’m earnestly anticipating.

Anticipating the day we won’t have to be confused anymore, the day this broken world is healed, the day we are reconciled to each other. The day I see my Savior’s face and know, finally, that everything is going to be okay.

I don’t know when that day will come. I don’t know a lot of things. But I think it’s okay not to know, to be a little uncertain, a little uncomfortable. It’s okay for us not to have the answers. It’s not our job.

So, though I am unsure about today, still I am hopeful for tomorrow. Though these times have the appearance of evil, still I know the Holy One I can trust.

And His words are true: we will not be overtaken by this passing shadow.

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” -2 Corinthians 4:8-9

Monday, May 4, 2020

Spring Wishes

In the spring, there are few places I’d rather be than at Nebraska Wesleyan University. This is the first year since 2016 that I haven’t spent the spring there, and it’s hitting pretty hard. I’m missing my favorite trees, and the purposefulness of studying.

Also, today is the anniversary of my husband’s and my engagement, so maybe I’m just feeling extra wistful.


Three Days

You loved it there–

being forced to wake up

before the clouds had a chance to rise

off of the grass,

and walk to class, clutching things

you hoped you knew.

The trees in spring

spoke in half-thoughts and secrets;

they rustled in expectation:

You will make great discoveries.

You will find the truth

strained through tired eyes.

Possibilities reached up tendrils from the dewy earth,

drifted, gossamer-silent, in fragrant dunes,

drawing you beyond windows,

leaving behind unfinished stories.

Perhaps you are a ghost now, lost among dusty volumes,

sighing in the forgotten corners of rooms

that once rang with your singing.

You were alive there.

You were fervent, you were a fountain.

Now, frozen in winter like Debussy’s naiades.

Will you

sing again?

A fearful world needs courageous people

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