Pregnancy is a positive good.
That this statement is controversial is in itself a tragedy.
But that’s where we are now, and I think it’s because women, in general, have lost touch with their roots.
Interestingly, though the feminist movement has absorbed multitudes of women into its ranks over the past century, femininity itself seems to have lost value to our society.
Meekness is equated with weakness. Subtle, patient guidance loses every time to domineering, aggressive bossiness. Cultivating a peaceful home offers no economic return. Loving submission and service are seen as outpourings of an oppressed spirit, rather than a grateful heart.
And the most feminine quality of all—mothering, that act of nurturing one’s own offspring, giving of oneself, laying down one’s desires for the good of a dependent child, is now seen as an affront to women. Mothers, we are told, are held back by this degrading natural process.
Men, being free from this biological process of bearing children, are naturally freer than women, and women should seek to shed the oppressive garment of childbearing and become more like men—aggressive, demanding, rational. Children are parasites, burdens, thieves and freeloaders, and women can only elevate themselves by pushing their children downward. Abortion is necessary to ensure the equality of men and women, because women can only be empowered if they are able to do everything exactly like men. Women should put themselves first, in all things, and we should applaud the self-interest of successful women.
And so we are encouraged to grow up, to be our own heroes, to break tradition and seize control of our own destinies. Young girls, so often instinctively drawn to baby dolls and playing house and making cookies in pretend kitchens, are indirectly told that those desires are wrong. That their innate femininity is a curse they need to break free from, so they can have a career, see the world, make history.
The result is a society of women who are so disconnected from their innate feminine desire to mother, to nurture, it is hardly a surprise that they are willing to treat their own helpless babies with such callous disregard as to destroy them through abortion.
But what if mothering, nurturing femininity was seen as an asset, rather than a weakness? What if our unique ability, as women, to bear and rear our children, is the legacy we are so hungry for? What if our natural desire to mother can be our biggest feminine strength, no matter our stage in life?
Pregnancy and motherhood come with responsibilities, that’s for sure. Becoming a mother means leaving some selfish and childish desires behind. But responsibility is a mold that can shape us into something beautiful.
You are here because someone is your mother. No matter where you ended up along the way, you began inside your mother, and she carried you until you were ready to see the world. That kind of self-sacrifice, no matter what other flaws your mother may have, was a gift to you—the opposite of selfishness. Becoming your mother, in that uncertain beginning, was for her the first step toward the kind of love no one can even quantify. Whether she chose to see that journey of love through the rest of your life or not, whether she chose herself over you in years to come or continued to love you sacrificially, the very act of bearing you was one of love. And that, in itself, is a good, good thing. A miraculous opportunity, one that only a woman can take—and one that should never be wasted.
In the end, motherhood is defined by choice, but not in the way we tend to see it now. Becoming a mother is not always the deliberate and thoughtful act that it should be. A mother doesn’t always choose her child in the way that one chooses a car or a house. Before a child is created, you are not a mother; as soon as that individual human life erupts inside you, you are a mother, and you make every choice thereafter as a mother—even the choice to terminate that child’s life.
The real choice in mothering, then, lies in how we respond to motherhood when we receive it. Will we choose to love, to grow, to accept the responsibility that comes with our womanhood, to open ourselves up to the beauty and the life inside us? Or will we choose to abandon that gift and deny its possibilities?
Some say that in terminating a pregnancy, the mother is only saying goodbye to the possibility, the potential of a child. This is not so.
In reality, there already is a child existent, vibrant, new. The choice to terminate only eliminates the possibilities that await that child in his or her future. It doesn’t erase your child. It doesn’t erase your motherhood. It simply ends a process that could have been the beginning of everything good in your life, and leaves you bereft, the mother of a dead offspring. It takes away all future choices.
The choice to embrace a child, then, does exactly the opposite. It gives way to the future and all its forks in the road. It proudly accepts the mantle of motherhood, rather than trying to hide it. It denies the selfishness of fear and replaces it with hope. It makes a mother stronger, more loving, more selfless, more in tune with every good thing we are made to be. It gives the child a chance to choose his or her own path.
In abortion there is only one possibility. In the life of a new baby, there is nothing but possibility ahead. Embracing life, then, is actually the most pro-choice you can be.
To the woman afraid to have her baby: you may get an inkling of it now, but you have no idea the untouchable, all-forsaking love you are capable of until you’ve held that child in your arms. There is no strength stronger than that of a woman whose love enables her to give up her life for her child. There is no human force more empowering than the love-fueled courage you will find within yourself as you contemplate the life growing within you.
Don’t give up on your motherhood.
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