Stop comparing yourself to Jesus

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

I’ve seen this concise little admonition on many a Facebook wall and cutesy wall hanger, mostly in a secular context, and I always think it’s great advice. One can’t have joy if one is constantly comparing oneself to others–all that brings is embarrassment and envy, or pride.

But too often do I see my brothers and sisters in the Christian community (and myself) completely reject this good advice, and begin to compare ourselves to our Savior, who set a standard we can never meet on our own. And we mask our judgmental attitudes in penitence or self-discipline, as if the comparisons we’re making should somehow be helping us grow, rather than discouraging us.

We have been instructed, as Christians, to become more like Christ, so we look at the life of Jesus and start asking ourselves impossible questions:

“If Jesus resisted temptation his whole life, why can’t I resist the temptation of a single moment?”

“Why don’t my words change other people’s lives?”

“When was the last time I stayed up until dawn, praying and pouring my heart out in anguish to God?”

“What can I do to help save the people around me?”

If you continued in this way you’d eventually have to ask yourself, “When was the last time I laid my life down for the good of all mankind? Why can’t I obey God the same way God’s own Son could?” And you’d see that it’s ridiculous to expect the same standard from yourself as you would from Christ, who is the perfect human embodiment of God.

But we usually don’t get to those ridiculous questions–we stop with the smaller ones, the ones that seem more achievable from a human standpoint, and we compare ourselves to the perfection of Christ. And it doesn’t stop there.

If we aren’t careful, the judgment begins to extend outward, to our friends and family, our spouses. We start comparing people to Jesus who might not even KNOW Jesus, and become increasingly disappointed with what we see. Because no one is living up to Christ’s standard. No one. And focusing on how we’re all falling short creates frustration, bitterness, shame, and self-righteousness all in one twisted package.

I can say this with confidence because I am a judgmental person, something God has been gently rebuking and teaching me about for a long time. It’s easier for me to mask this flaw, because most of my judgment starts reflexively. I judge myself about everything–how I feel, what I’m eating, what I say, how I look, whether I’m working hard enough (the answer is usually no). But in judging myself I inevitably become quicker to judge others. I don’t want to be bad, so I turn my judgement to those that look worse than I do. I look at another person and think “at least I’m not like her” or “he really needs to straighten out x area of his life.” And then I shame myself for doing that.

It’s a vicious cycle, and it all begins with me looking at Jesus, and instead of standing in awe of everything good that he is, berating myself for not being worthy of Him.

When I think about the answers to those questions, though, I realize the flaw in my logic. Why do I find it impossible, sometimes, to resist temptation? Probably because I am not God incarnate. Why haven’t I ever pulled a distressed all-nighter? Probably because I haven’t faced the same suffering that Christ faced.

And that’s a good thing! We’re not meant to do everything Jesus did–He did it all for us.

Jesus would never look at me accusingly and ask, “why can’t you just be more like me?” No. He knows me, He knows everything that’s “wrong” with me, and everything that’s good about me–and He loves me unconditionally. He’d ask the only question that really matters: “Do you love me?”

The Bible says that anyone who loves Christ follows His commandments. This was never a challenge to prove our love for Christ by whipping ourselves into shape–if it were, we would fail miserably. Rather, it’s a statement of cause and effect.

True love in our human relationships shows itself in a similar way to how our love for Christ should show itself. When you love someone you see what they are, you accept them fully, you support and encourage them. You want them to have every good thing. You might even begin to mirror some of their personality traits.

If I love Christ–that is, if I recognize and appreciate who He is and what He’s done for me–I will naturally wish to please Him, thereby becoming more like Him.

So how do I leave behind the unproductive toxicity of self-shaming and truly love Christ?

By immersing myself in Christ. In other words, by getting to know Him deeply.

Stop comparing yourself to Jesus. Instead, admire and love Him. Read about His life and teachings–let His words move you. See how He trusts the Father completely, prays actively, acts mercifully. See how He moulds his will to God’s, self-sacrificially.

Let yourself be amazed by Jesus and everything that He is. Let yourself be inspired by His love for you. Follow His example of seeking a deep and vulnerable relationship with God–and in so doing, you will become more like Jesus, less like your old, bitter, self-centered self.

“My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world. And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments. Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.” -1 John 2:1-6