I have sometimes awoken to the bright crispness of a new day to find myself emotionally drained, lacking motivation to even get out of bed, because of a crushing weight of anxiety that seems to have seeped into my pores while I slept.
My first response to that feeling of despair is always to try and diagnose it. This must be caused by something, I think, so I wrack my brain for the root of the problem. Eventually I get so exhausted, so twisted up in my own thoughts, that all I can do is lie in bed and stare at the wall, letting negativity wash over me.
Every day we come up against things that threaten to bring out this despair in us—some external, some internal forces. Depression, strife in relationships, addiction, residual shame and guilt—all these are valid and potent forms of suffering. But we’re lying to ourselves if we identify these things as the cause of our problems.
Of course, pain manifests in different ways for everyone, but deep down any suffering—all suffering—is rooted in the simple fact of our hearts’ tendency to stray from God’s will. It is tempting and very human to see everyday pain itself as the ultimate source of discontentment in our lives—but this fixation causes us to seek short-lived solutions for chronic problems. The emptiness of our souls calls for a lasting fulfillment that can only be found by seeking God earnestly. No matter what the situation, our first response should always be to look to Him. For peace, for guidance, for forgiveness. For hope.
When I see that despair is not the root cause of my pain, but a symptom of my humanity, I can turn to God for comfort, who created me, who loves me, and whose boundless perfection covers all my shortcomings.
Where depression says: If only I could feel normal, then I could be strong, Jesus says: I will give you strength to endure even when the world seems to be crushing your spirit.
Where guilt says: Your mistakes will always haunt you, Jesus says: I have freed you if you trust in me.
Where disappointment says: Reject others before they have a chance to reject you, Jesus says: Lean into my love and you will be able to love others freely.
Where fear says: You can’t do this, Jesus says: You don’t have to do any of this alone.
When you feel the weight of despair looming over you, remember: it is but a temporary reflection of your humanity, your brokenness here on earth and your deep inner longing for relationship with the Creator. Our home is not here, in this world of contradictions and conflict—it is in God’s eternal, endless love, and the firmly rooted joy that He offers to all of us through His Son.
When Jesus died on the cross, He gave His life as the ultimate sacrifice to cover all sin. In Christ, I am free from the despair sin brings into my life. Justified by faith, sanctified by His blood, I have been imbued with an impenetrable joy and hope that renews me even as the world tries to tear me down.
On this earth we will have trials. We will face failure and guilt and pain. But we will never be truly defeated—for that assurance, the assurance of Jesus’ love, is the only salve for these mortal wounds.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” -2 Corinthians 12:9
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