Yesterday I was in a car accident, and it was rough. Every hour since it happened I've been praising God that no one was seriously hurt (except my beloved car, Han). Somehow we're all safe, and life is so much more valuable than a car. And I am humbled, once again, determined to keep glorifying the Lord for blessing me and everyone else with so many mercies.
Since I can't seem to help going over the experience and almost none of those thoughts are helpful, I wrote a poem. Maybe it's therapeutic. At the very least it's something to offer.
Life of a Car Crash
the crash feels like nothing,
like a sound,
like your arms floating up toward the heavens,
like a gesture of surrender.
it feels like blue,
the color of airbags,
it feels like black and white,
like looking through your eyelids.
it feels fuzzy
like losing your glasses,
like the only reality is the baby screaming
like no one and everyone hears you saying
sorry
it feels like shock,
like a moment of invincibility,
like remembering others exist somehow,
beyond yourself.
and then
it feels like a million questions,
like losing consciousness,
like recalling a dream
only later do you begin to sense
your body was in the car with you
and now it's one big bruise
and it feels like relief,
then like swallowed confusion
then like all the fear you should've felt
returning
and again
the crash was like dying
like resetting a switch on mortality
like we could've died and thank God
no one died
it plays over,
theme and variations
it begs for resolution.
you begin to recover, mind and body
and soul
but that part feels like pain
and why does the pain come now
it's not the losing control
but the trying to find it again
that hurts.
